Affirmations.....

Affirm: To declare one's support for; uphold or defend. www.dictionary.com

Since I posted my last blog, I have received several affirmations regarding my blog. I want to thank all of you who have made a comment to me, or commented on the blog, or Facebook, or sent me a direct message.... and to those who have simply taken a moment from their busy day to read my thoughts.

I felt lead to do this as an outlet for myself, and to share the grace of God that I am learning more about everyday.... but more importantly I did this to help others and hopefully inspire someone who may be fighting a similar battle. I know in my heart that others are dealing with different stressors in their lives and my prayer is that God's words that flow through me will minister to hurting people.

Affirmations, compliments, etc. are hard to accept if you have low self-esteem or self-worth (and yes, there is a difference)....  Daniel Johnson simply states the differences as "Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself. Self-worth is what you are born with." http://www.lessons4living.com/wmaz16.htm

I struggle with accepting compliments and affirmations... I struggle with both self-esteem and self-worth. For those of you who know me well, I bet you find that last one hard to believe.  Well, it's true... I am working on all of the above though - I am focusing on God, and how God sees me and loves me... and asking God to help me see myself as he does. It's hard - and it's definitely a mental  AND  spiritual battle!

Here are a few things I am doing in addition to praying and believing in God to help improve both my self-esteem and self-worth. I am re-reading The Shack. The Shack is a great fictional story about a man and his relationship with the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. If you haven't read this incredibly moving book about forgiveness, hope and love, I recommend picking it up. I am also reminding myself of MY worth. For example, I put post-it notes on my bathroom mirror to remind myself that "I am beautiful", and took a sharpie marker and drew an arrow pointing to the "results" on my bathroom scale, followed by "This # does not define me. I am beautiful just the way I am!".  I even downloaded a Positive Affirmations app on my phone and set up daily and weekly affirmations. I have another post-it note that says "DO NOT GET ON THE SCALE"... This post-it stays on my mirror 6 days a week because I have a tendency to weigh everyday and grow discouraged or obsessive about the number that scale shows me... I've let "it"  define me...  I set up a daily calendar appointment on my email to remind me that God loves me and He has never left me... and I have God's permission to simply do my best - and my best isn't perfection! 

I know all of this may sound silly, but I need to be reminded of my worth. I need to be reminded that I am loved.... that I am beautiful.... that I am worthy. We all need affirmations in our life. So, in closing, I would like to affirm YOU.

 

God loves you and accepts YOU just the way you are.....

God is in control of your life.

You can achieve a balance lifestyle with God's help.

You have God's permission to simply do your best, and your best is not PERFECTION.

God has never left you. He is always with you.

God's love never fails (Reread 1 Corinthians 13)

You are beautiful/handsome inside and outside!

You are smart.

You are funny.

You are creative.

You are unique.

You are loved by family and friends.

You are accepted.

You are healthy.

You are at peace.

You are deserving.

You are happy.

You are strong.

YOU ARE WORTHY!

You are successful in whatever you do!

You are my friend.......  and I am praying for you.

 

 

 

 

http://www.amazon.com/Shack-Where-Tragedy-Confronts-Eternity/dp/0964729237# 

 

 

 

To read more about affirmations and pay it forward, check out "Transforming the way you see yourself, one post-it note at a time".  http://operationbeautiful.com/ 

 

Another incredible resource for women is: http://hisprincess.com/

Check out Sheri Rose Shepherd's books and email newsletters. They are incredible daily reminders of how much God loves YOU - His Princesses!!!

 

 

Letting "it" go.......................

I want to write more about my vacation of self-discovery, and I will, but tonight, I feel the need to write about another subject.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7 NIV

I have struggled with this my entire life. I give "it" to God, then take "it" back, carry "it"  around, wallow in "it", then pretend "it" isn't bothering me anymore... then "it" rears it's ugly head and the battle ensues again. I have this way of burying "it" far beneath the surface (aka avoiding "it").

"It" is a number of things that I have dealt with: My parents, my relationships, my weight, my self-worth, etc...  All these years I have battled "it".  I have realized over the past few weeks that I always put "it" first.... Not God, but "it". I make "it" my problem and try to solve "it" all by myself (all the while, praying to God and giving "it" to Him, but still hanging on by suppressing "it"). 

I have fought the same battles over and over again, and unfortunately I have let "it" define me. I have NO idea who I am without "it".  This is a very scary place. It's almost overwhelming and makes me extremely anxious. I feel like my entire life has been a lie - completely based around "it". 

After realizing that I have never really given any of "it" to Him, I felt ashamed. How could I have grown up in such a Godly home, with a praying grandmother and spiritual prayer mothers, and sharing the message of "giving it to God" with other women, and be so stubborn, so foolish!

I have also learned that truly letting "it" go and completely turning "it" over to God, is much harder than I thought it would be! I am working through giving "it" all to God.

I know I can't do "it" without Him. None of us can do "it" alone.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 NIV

We need God in our lives, so that He can work out the good, the bad and the ugly.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 NIV

I am going to close in prayer tonight. I am asking for you to consider praying a simple prayer and asking God to take care of all of "it" for you. Ask Him to help you let "it" go and never pick "it" up again.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is

powerful and effective. James 5:16 NIV

God, I pray that once and for all you take all of this from me. I am sorry for hanging on to "it" and not fully turning "it" over to you. For once and for all, I am giving "it" to you and not picking "it" back up. You know my heart God, when it comes to the hurt and pain that I have felt and still feel. God, I believe You can heal my broken heart. Help me to trust and to love again. You know the struggles I have when it comes to my self-worth. I have already asked You to forgive me for doubting what You made. Please help me to see myself as You see me. Help me to believe in myself, like You believe in me. You know the addictions that I battle and I am giving those addictions to you, tonight. Help me to overcome my addictions and not dwell on them. I am laying down my burdens and I will NEVER pick them up again. Help me to forget the past and move beyond what I think defines me. Help me to accept myself and my past and know that each trial, each tribulation, helped develop the woman that I am. I want to define myself, as You define me - a child of the King, a Princess. Thank You God for loving me and caring for me. Thank You for turning all that the devil has meant for harm into something good. Everything You do is good. Thank You for loving me relentlessly and for your mercy and grace.  Thank You for never failing me, never rejecting me, never leaving me, always loving me. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen.

http://www.zazzle.com/princess_postcard-239031575907435409

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:8 NIV

I have always heard this scripture at weddings. I even recited it recently at one of my best friend's wedding. However, I didn't realize what "it" was until this past week when my counselor pointed "it" out to me. "It" is love and God is love. Without God and without love we have nothing. We must realize that God loves us unconditionally. He is patient and kind. He isn't boastful or proud. He is not self-seeking and not easily angered. HE KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS.  He does not delight in evil. He rejoices in the truth. He always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. He never fails us.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies,

they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there

is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.

But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 NIV

The Bible says WE are - You and I...

• are a child of God – John 1:12
• are chosen before the creation of the world – Ephesians 1:4
• are fearfully, wonderfully made – Psalm 139:14
• are a friend of God – John 15:15
• are God’s workmanship – Ephesians 2:10
• are dearly loved – Colossians 3:12
• are forgiven – Colossians 1:14
• are justified – Romans 5:1
• are no longer condemned – Romans 8:1
• are holy & blameless – Ephesians 1:4
• are set free – Romans 8:2
• are rescued from the curse of the law – Galatians 3:13
• are a new creation – 2 Corinthians 5:17
• are dead to sin & alive in Christ – Ephesians 2:5
• are a member of God’s household – Ephesians 2:18
• are adopted as a child of God – Ephesians 1:5
• Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit – 1 Corinthians 6:19
• were bought with a price – 1 Corinthians 6:20
• are complete through Christ – Colossians 2:10
• are seated with Christ in heavenly places – Ephesians 2:6
• have been given great & precious promises – 2 Peter 1:4
• share His divine nature & escape the world’s corruption caused by human desires – 2 Peter 1:4
• God will never fail or abandon you and I – Hebrews 13:5
• do not have a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline – 2 Timothy 1:7
• are an heir, with Christ, in God’s glory – Romans 8:17
• are victorious – Romans 8:37
• are a light in the world – Matthew 5:14
• have all our needs supplied – Philippians 4:19
• can do all things through Christ – Philippians 4:13

A few of my favorite things....

This is a Journey, there is no set destination, and at times I make u-turns and take side streets and sometimes feel like I am going in circles, but with each of those paths I learn and from that redirect my course. This process is not easy no it anyone else's but mine. ~ Shay Sorrells

You did it for them, now do it for you. ~ SelfApproved

My Princess... MY CHOSEN ONE

I chose you before the foundation of the earth to be My princess. You are royalty even when you don't feel like a princess and I will wait for you until you are ready to start living the amazing plans I have for you.  

I know you don't know where to begin or how to become what I've called you to be, so let Me teach you day by day. Start by recognizing who I am: King of kings and Lord of lords. The Lover of your soul. When the two of us meet alone together every day, I will show you how to let go of the things in your life that are holding you back from the blessings I want to give you.  

Remember, My child, just as I have chosen you, I have given you a choice to represent Me to the world. If you are willing, I am here to give you all you need to complete your calling.

Love,  

Your King and Lord who chose you

"YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE ME, I CHOSE YOU.  

I APPOINTED YOU TO GO AND PRODUCE FRUIT THAT WILL LAST, SO THAT THE FATHER  

WILL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU ASK FOR, USING MY NAME."

~JOHN 15:16~

from His Princess, Love Letters from Your King  p.10
by Sheri Rose Shepherd

Pictures are in no particular order....

My Uncle Ed and I (My gram's last living sibling).

This is one of my favorite pictures of my mother (grandmother), Anna Mae Johnson.

One of my favorite pictures of me and "my" boys,
The Blonde One (Jackson) and The Red One (Hayden).

Me and the best big sister, ever.
If she only knew how much she and her family mean to me.....



My Best Kentucky Girlfriends - Trish and Kim



Words to live by....



My dear friend, Sissy. God has poured so much talent into her!! and our fine friend, Dino (Constantine)



This is MY favorite picture of Gram with her brothers, Damon, Hobert and Ed.

My toes in the sand and water on Edisto.....

Falls on the Reedy in Greenville, SC. So beautiful, so peaceful.....

While in Greenville, I spotted this 3 little ones running and playing -  they were laughing and full of joy!
 I couldn't resist taking their picture. I wanted to remember their laughter...
Nothing better than a child's laugh!

My Aunt Lee and Uncle Dean (Also known as Aunta and Gunka)...
They are like parents to me. I love them with all me heart.

One of my best friends in the world, Jae.

The Fastball gang and then some - I love all of these people and their spouses dearly.
They are my best friends in the world! Michelle and Ray, Amy and Roy,
Tracey and Mike, Ms. Betty, Barry, and Lori (RIP Bryan).....

My best friends from Kindergarten - 8th grade. I still love these women and their mommas!
Beulah, Stephanie, Gina, me and Barb

The Charleston, SC Battery



One of my best friends since high school. We've shared many ups and downs.
I love Tracy so much!



Hope and Tracy - best of friends in high school and now. I love both these ladies so much!

Hydrangeas... my favorite flower

Do you know where I found God?

Have you ever had those moments in your life where you think you are alone? and feel like you are alone? Have you ever felt like you are standing in a field and all you can see for miles and miles is fields of flowers? Have you ever felt like there is no one else in the world who knows what you are going through? or standing where you've stood?  I  have.... More often than not. 

As I continued on my journey of self-discovery, I found myself alone in the car, driving down some of the most beautiful stretches of road I've ever been on. This gave me plenty of time to reflect and talk to God.... Although, I didn't do much "talking"... It was more of being quiet and listening - or at least trying to listen. 

I made my way across South Carolina to Charleston to visit with the Lee family. Cindy is like my sister - I believe we may have been separated at birth! She is one of those spiritual "mothers" that God put in my life, exactly when I needed one.  Cindy and I always pick up RIGHT where we left off.  She has poured "good God stuff" into me since the day we met... and this time was no different - except I was different.  I know she knew something was going on with me, even though she didn't say a word until the middle of a church service on Sunday. 

The Deanna that most of my church family knew was so committed, so prayer oriented, so helpful, so focused and this time I just wasn't....  I had an incredible time catching up with Cindy, Scott and their son (my adopted nephew), Jon.  Cindy and I sat up late talking, sharing life and God stories. This woman is full of Godly wisdom and she has introduced me to so many wonderful Christian speakers, authors, musicians, etc....   This time was no different, she immediately starting sharing articles and books with me. Which I loved! I still felt lost though.... and I had no idea how to tell her....

On Sunday, as we prepared to go to church, I had a pit in my stomach. I didn't want to go - but knew I needed to.  I didn't share this with Cindy because again, I had no idea how to tell her what I was going through... We made it to church just as service was about to begin, but we did have time to take a moment to introduce to me her Pastor, Marc Campbell. He seemed like a wonderful man, and coincidentally enough, he was from Hazard! As service progressed and the Holy Spirit began to move, I was trying hard not to "crack". You've been there, gripping the pew in front of you, choking back tears, not making eye contact with anyone.....  Classic avoidance - the thing that I am the best at!

The pastor stood up and shared a word from the Lord. He said he didn't know why he was sharing this, but felt someone in the church needed to hear this today - he began with how many times have you felt alone, you've felt like God had left you... the poster we've all seen where you are hanging on the end of the rope by one thread.... You may feel like you are are hanging on by that single thread and that God has left you, but God has never left you. You may have left Him, either because you didn't want to hang on or couldn't hang on, but He has never left you.... He is here to restore the broken places...

Sidebar ~ The praise team leader read a scripture prior to the Pastor's comments... the scripture was Ephesians 2:2-10.

And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, 2 in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, 3 among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. 4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, 5 even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), 6 and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. 8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. NKJV

The phrase that stood out to me in this verse was "But God". I have a friend, Susan, who shared with me one night that she relies on "But God" anytime the devil gets in her face... that has stuck with me since that night, and this Sunday was no different.

As "But God" resonated through my soul, and the Pastor was sharing that someone needed restoration, I broke....

Cindy leaned into me and I feel into her arms in tears.... I told her I couldn't pray... I hadn't been able to "pray" in the traditional sense in months....  All I could do was cry anytime I tried to pray.... Cindy began praying over me, and finally I felt such a release I began to pray and sob even more. The Pastor came over and prayed for me - he spoke healing and restoration of the broken places.... Wow... The broken places. That's what I had been battling, that's why I was in counseling, that's why I needed God. That's when I found God.  I found Him in my heart. He had been there all along.

On August  28, 2011, I rededicated my life to God. I feel like a brand new baby Christian. For once in my life, I'm finding Christianity in my way - I'm not trying to be perfect, I'm not condemning myself or feeling guilty when I'm not perfect, I'm finding out what I love and I like and what draws me to God.... I found that God doesn't expect us to be perfect, only His Son was perfect.  There are extremes in Christianity, and just like in everything, you have to find balance.. I'm searching for that balance....  

This is a different road in my journey that I didn't expect... 

But sometimes detours are a good thing, or a God thing.

Cindy and I in Charleston, SC

Me on Jon on Edisto Island, SC

Reflection - Take a moment and realize God is still right there with you...  He loves you....

This is where my journey begins....

I have been debating about blogging for months. I may not have the most interesting life or perspective, but I do know that throughout my life I have learned many lessons - and I am still learning.  This blog is about those lessons.

Although my journey in life began 38 years ago, somewhere along those years, I lost myself. I lost who Deanna was. I became the woman that I was "supposed" to be... I spent so much time living up to certain expectations, and trying to overcome life's circumstances, that I completely lost sight of who I was, who I am.

It wasn't long ago, I was having a conversation with someone who is very important in my life - this man is someone I respect, and love, and he has a heart so big that it often gets in the way of business. We've known each other for over 3 years. He and I were having a casual conversation when he asked about my family and childhood. Now, let me preface, as close as I am to this person, he had no idea just how complicated my life has been. When I shared very high level surface details, he was amazed that I had turned out to be the person that I am. I told him he had no idea.... when I tell people "my story", they either think 1) wow - how in the world did she turn out so well or 2) there is no way, this chick is totally lying...  Regardless, that conversation lead to another conversation, about the dreaded "c" word.... Counseling...

Ok, I have been there/done that/got the t-shirt/the dvd/etc.... but this time, I thought, you know, let's give it one more try. I'm so thankful that I did. I met with a Christian counselor my friend introduced me to, and it has absolutely opened doors that I didn't even know I had!!!  Throughout the next few weeks, I began to unravel the Deanna that everyone knows and find the real Deanna buried far beneath....  In August, the culmination of this journey began with a week long vacation that was long overdue!

I decided to take a southern tour. I would go to Greenville, South Carolina first to visit my dear friend, Karen - then on to Charleston, South Carolina to spend a few days with my other family, Cindy, Scott and Jon Lee, with a pit stop at my favorite beach - Edisto, then to Augusta, Georgia to see my uncle Ed, and my cousin, Marty and his family - then last stop in Atlanta, Georgia to visit with my old friends and neighbors....

I had made an internal decision that this trip was going to be for me and about me - this would be the Diva's trip. I would have a loose schedule, without strict guidelines (and if you know me at all, you know I'm a planner, and spontaneity is not my strong suit). I decided I would just let God guide me on this journey of self-discovery. I would decide "whose in and whose out" in my life during this time...  I would figure out who Deanna was and stop being the person that I thought I had to be.... It wasn't long before I figured out this was the most God ordained trip I have ever been on in my life... and God had a different plan for what this trip was going to be about.

I left on a Friday and had a beautiful drive through the Tennessee, North Carolina and South Carolina mountains.  I spent those hours on the road talking and listening to God, taking in the beauty of the mountains, feeling the warm breeze flow through the sunroof, admiring the bright green trees, the incredible soaring eagles, puffy white clouds and the most breathtaking stretch of white, pink and red wildflowers along the shoulder of the North Carolina mountains near Asheville. 

Taylors, SC (Greenville): I arrived at Karen and Phil's house, the sun was just setting and Karen was sitting on the front steps waiting for me. I have never felt so at home in my life. It was so good to see Karen! I love her and her husband, Phil so much, even their cat, Frances (who dislikes me ALOT!). They are two of my favorite people in the world. I believe Karen and I share a kindred spirit. She is artistic, eclectic, bold, refreshing, giving and more importantly REAL.  She and I spent many hours talking Friday and Saturday. She shared with me everything that she was doing at Triune and The Beach House (her church, church's homeless mission, and event house). She told me about the homeless men and women - and how some people pray for freedom of their addiction, when we need to pray for them - God still loves them - despite their addiction! They are worthy of His love despite their circumstances. She also shared about her women's journaling group at church. The journaling group's purpose is to share and be real with God and about God - and to write God's Word.  Writing and believe God's Word puts us in line with His Word.  She shared wisdom with me that I knew God had designed well before my arrival! At one point, she shared with me a paragraph from "Here and Now", by Henri Nouwen. The sentence that stuck in my head was about "being free from the burden of judging others"..  

Pharisee - A member of an ancient Jewish sect, distinguished by strict observance of the traditional and written law, and commonly held to have pretensions to superior sanctity. A self-righteous person; a hypocrite.

The reason this was so profound was because in my counseling, we had just discussed all of these things - being worthy, speaking God's word over myself, and being free from judging others. I had also been reading The Prodigal God, which is the story about the Prodigal son, but the focus is on the other brother - and his attitude - and how Jesus was telling the story to the Pharisees (who are represented by the older brother). He was doing what he was supposed to do - doing everything right - and was judging the father and younger son.  

It become very clear that I was to set my eyes on the truth (God's truth), and He will set me free. The truth is, I had been being a Pharisee, and despite that GOD still loves me and says I am worthy - we all are...  God loves the homeless man who is addicted to alcohol, he loves the woman who is addicted to drugs and lost her children, he loves our government leaders, our unsaved loved ones and he loves you and me, regardless of our circumstances, our net worth, our outward appearance, etc... He loves us all the same.  I am worthy, you are worthy, the homeless man and drug addicted woman are worthy... It's not my job, or yours, to judge them or others - or to judge our family or friends.... Think about how much lighter you would feel if you didn't judge anyone... That single sentence, has shattered my entire way of thinking - in a wonderful way. 

This blog is not about being holier than thou, it's about being real. It's about sharing my heart and God's word.  I want my words to be God's word. It is about just "being".

I'll share the rest of my vacation over the coming days. It is alot to process and everyday brought a new revelation. In closing, I would like to leave you with the following scriptures:

Romans 8:28

 ²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. New International Version (NIV)

 

Philippians 4:8

 ⁸ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. New International Version (NIV)




Karen and I at Falls on the Reedy in downtown Greenville